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Channel: Work – Professional Moron
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The Best Jobs That Don’t Exist.

Even in the olden days everyone had to work, as this art thing showcases. Employment, eh? It’s sort of like doing stuff that doesn’t really make much sense and yet you get paid for it. Probably around...

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Today’s Horoscopes.

It’s all about where it’s at, guy! Ah, the 12 signs of Zodiac. No, not the film with Robert Downey Jr. and Jake Gylenhalelal… Gylleeenhaaeell…. Gylen…. that bloke who’s in Source Code. Anyway,...

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The Best Excuses For When You’re Late For Work.

“I was late for work as I drove my car off of somewhere I wasn’t supposed to drive off.” etc. We’ve all been there. On the last minute for work, or even, say, 33 minutes and 7 seconds late, and you...

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Exclusive Invention: The Tea Bag Mop!

As you can see, janitors are already thrilled with the Tea Bag Mop! Mops are great things. If you need to hang a spare shoe off something, you can stick it on the very top of the mop handle. This is...

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What Be Better: Pens or Pencils?

PENS! PENCILS! THEY’RE EVERYWHERE! As the old saying goes, “The pen is mightier than the sword!”. There are other sayings like this, such as: “The pencil isn’t mightier than the atom bomb!”, “The pen...

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PM Accident Insurance – Personal Testimonials This Merry Christmas Time!

Manual labour often leads to moments such as this – boxes of stuff landing on you. Don’t forget to sue! Did you know 101% of all accidents take place in the workplace!? It’s Christmas and the odd bone...

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Do Robots Really Want To Work At McDonald’s?

“Do you want fries with that, mate?”. The really great thing about eating in fast food restaurants is the sense of moral superiority one attains. Why is this so? Due to the intense stupidity of the...

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How to Be a Waiter or Waitress

“Burger and lobster, sir?” In George Orwell’s absolutely super Down and Out in Paris and London, the author, journalist, and writer of sharp polemical stuff, relates his experiences as a poverty...

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Exclusive Tooth Fairy Newsletter: It’s Time For The Tooth!

Be prepared. The Tooth Fairy isn’t as sane, or pleasant, as legend would have it. Greetings, readers! Last week we bid farewell to the Easter bunny’s newsletter. Without missing a beat, we’re back with...

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Book of da Week: Albert Camus’ The Myth of Sisyphus

Albert Camus’ the Myth of Sisyphus. Good day! It’s time for the Myth of Sisyphus. Why not? It’s Albert Camus’ philosophical statement about the nature of being, the absurdity intrinsic in that being,...

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Tooth Fairy Newsletter #2: PR Improvements (no nudity involved)!

Welcome back, Tooth Fairy, let’s keep it legal this week, okay? Greetings, it’s windswept and magisterial glory today! The Tooth Fairy is back and she’s been up to her usual antics – collecting teeth...

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Agony Aunt: “HELP! My boyfriend can’t hold down a steady job!”

There’s nothing wrong with indolence. The path to a man’s heart is to accommodate his every need, mothering him so he can become a truly saturnine and obese waste of space who spends most of his time...

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Exclusive Santa Column: The Final XMas Push, Thrust, & Limb Loss!

It’s not been jolly at Santa’s factory! Okay, Earthlings, Christmas is just around the corner and Santa sent us a copy of his latest column yesterday. We had to edit it substantially due to the...

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Breaking News: Beds to be Replaced with Meds in Economy Push

Get ready to pill up. British people are sleeping too much, according to latest government figures, with the average British adult enjoying approximately 3 hours of stress interrupted snoozing a night....

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Exclusive Recipe: Lemon Migraine Pie (skip work in style!)

Lemon migraine pie – the best migraine on the market! Meringue is one of those weird things which people convince themselves is amazing but, really, it’s not as amazing as it should be. The same goes...

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Invention: The Shower Hair Dryer (shower & hair dryer all-in-one!)

Also comes with a warm setting for blow drying – perfect for those with fragile hair. For most busy professionals slaving away to make other people wealthy, time is of the essence. If you’re not in...

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Exclusive Santa Column: Gruesome Accident Report Form Details

Putting a brave face on it. The UN has been on my case due to my appalling human rights record, so I’ve had to clean my act up to ensure there are fewer needless deaths in 2017. Last year, over 200 of...

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Charles Bukowski: Post Office (Moonshake Books)

A bit of postal work, anyway? Greetings, everybody! Today, we also published a big old book review over on our other blog, which should make up for no Book of da Week this week. So, like Bukowski? Like...

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Exclusive Santa Claus Column: A Day in the Life of Santa

It’s been explosive at Santa’s! So you all understand just how horrible it is being Santa, I decided this week to make a diary of my every move throughout a singular 24 hours. The below is fairly...

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Great TV Shows That Never Were: Conan the Librarian

After initial consternation, the very ordinary frequenters of Bolton library soon grew used to Conan’s frequently psychotic ways. After Conan the Barber Man came to a timely end, we now have a new...

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